Summer Blockbusters

Okay, after three four posts on unknown indy stuff it's time to go to the opposite end of the spectrum. If I've been talking about the nobility of the film world--good-taste but possibly snooty and inaccessible stuff--then it's time to talk about the loud, mainstream crowd. Here is the Summer Blockbuster edition. Reviewed in order of worst--> best.

What the crap is this?


Transformers 3: Even Worse Than the Last One
The only reason I paid money and took time to watch this was because we were at the theatre and there was nothing else to watch. This movie was playing every 10 minutes, seriously. So for convenience's sake, we went in.

I went into the theatre in a good, forgiving mood. There's no way it could be worse than the second one! Megan Fox's super-realistic acting is gone! Maybe the robots got new sound effects! Maybe there will be some improvements--

WRONG.

Three hours of ear-eye-brain torture.

NEEDS A MUTE BUTTON

First of all, call me traditional but the hot girl is about a foot taller than Shia LeDouche. By the way, he got even douchier than he was in the last movie. The garbage script attempts to deal with the "I'm a hero, what are my responsibilities?" issue, but it completely fails and I end up laughing.  I feel bad that Leonard Nimoy has to stoop so low to work on a film like this.

And then there was that action scene climax that was over an hour long. Is it really necessary for the other building to fall on top of the glass building so the railings will connect and the two kids can escape only to run into an ugly robot blah blah blah. The fact that the girl was running around in stilettos for hours was more impressive than all of the robot-building smashing. I leaned back and tried to sleep but it was too loud. Then I thought that I should've taken some sort of sedative. I closed my eyes and I swear, there were tears.

By the third hour of the film I'd lost my mind, and so had my friends. We'd taken to laughing out loud at "serious" parts of the film, like when that paper hits Patrick Dempsey's face, when the robots say a sentimental goodbye to LeDouche, and especially that line that goes something like

You didn't betray us. You betrayed yourself.

That killed me.



Hangover 2
I'll be brief with this one. People kept laughing but I didn't chuckle once. I kept looking at the watch. I feel bad for the bride's father when he's explaining โจ๊ก. The girl doesn't look Thai. None of the characters are likeable, especially the fat whiny one. The smoking monkey isn't interesting. That Chen guy has an irritating voice. No one says "Bangkok has you now." When the movie's done, not only do you feel stupider, you feel like you need to use some hand sanitizer.



Good Fun


Kung Fu Panda 2

Unlike Transfomers, the action scenes are actually fun. The panda's past was interesting. And the peacock is as evil as the average Disney villain, which is awesome. :D

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
My little friend Maple and I are huge fans of this franchise, so were were super excited to see it. While it was nowhere near as good as #3 or #1, it was still passable, probably because of Penelope Cruz and Barbarossa. Johnny Depp was still funny. But the missionary and the mermaid were even funnier. I mean, where did he get the idea to name her Syrena? And they had like what, two conversations and they spend happily ever after underwater? Oh wait this is Disney. Never mind. A good fun movie.


X-Men: First Class
A lot better than the past ones. James McAvoy's dead eyes can bore you, but there's always Magneto to look at. I like the overly dramatic-ness of the whole movie, especially when McAvoy's screaming his head off near the end. Also, the 60's fashion looks great.







Freaking Awesome




Super 8
JJ Abrams+Steven Spielberg =Awesome. I don't know what to say. All the kids, especially the boy and Dakota Fanning's little sister, were great actors. Great plot. During the film I was all, "WHAT DO THOSE CUBES DO?!" The drama between the dads, the loud train action, and the alien made it all even more interesting. I was holding my breath during the last scene (when the boy has to let go of his mom's necklace so the alien can go home). And the kids' movie at the end was a nice touch, because then you walk out of the theatre laughing. You know they're great actors when they can pretend to act badly.







Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Part 2

Like everyone else in my age range, I've grown up with Harry Potter. I remember my sister practically forcing me to read the Philosopher's Stone. I remember watching Chamber of Secrets with Maple in the frontmost row, all the way at the side because we just had to watch it. So when I went to watch the last one I was expecting a proper finish. Which I got.

I cried like a maniac at Snape's memories in the Pensieve and when Harry's parents' ghosts came up. Not just those lame moist-eyes tears, either. It was full blown sobbing and I had to cover the bottom half of my face. Not kidding. I was totally unprepared for Alan Rickman's performance. Sob.

And the way they cast spells in this film: not just a flick of the wand, but there's a whole split-second ritual of twirling your whole arm/body around before a spell comes out. Which is, you know, cool. (Especially for McGonagall and Mrs. Weasley.) It was also nice to see Neville be all heroic. Draco still looks good, but Ginny doesn't. Winnie (my little 13-year-old sister) is still walking around the house saying Voldemort's lines 'cause she's so obsessed. In particular, "Only I can live forever" and "Avada Kedavra." Ahh, my cute little Death Eater.