Whenever Same speaks it's like phlegm is clogging up his lungs, throat, and nose in one gross tower of น้ำมูก.
I usually have no idea what he is saying. And he knows shockingly little on basic household remedies. He thinks brewing a cup of tea is sorcery. It's like he's a caveman, or something.
If he doesn't do what I say he's gonna be a gross pimply phelgmy student in TU/Washington, seriously. Can't have anyone I know deteriorate to that state, man. Do all of these for a month, yo.
- Eat an ascending number of chilies in ส้มตำ. Start with 2, eat 3 tomorrow, work your way up to 10 and stay there. When eating ส้มตำ nothing should be left on the plate, not even the spicy-ass water.
- ต้มยำ: Nothing edible should be left in the bowl. The ขิง that is left, put in mouth and อม them until they lose flavor. May feel like torture. Deal with it. Optional: eat the bay leaves.
- In short, finish everything when eating ยำs, ตำs, or แกงs. All dat lemongrass. Try to get to the point where you want to cry because of the spiciness. That just means it's working.
- When eating fruit, do it the Thai way. Use all of the น้ำพริก and เกลือ and all that. Don't be a farang-tongued sissy.
- When at a Japanese restaurant, no wasabi or pink ginger can be left.
- Brew instant sugarless ginger tea. If you no can find it in TOPS then just buy ginger, boil, peel, and suck on it 24-7. (Don't need to boil if don't want to. But that would be weird.)
- Drink only room to hot water. No cold water. Don't chew ice. Don't eat sweet or sticky stuff. aka No soda, ชานม, schoolgirlish snacks, etc.
- If stuff is too spicy, no cold water or soda. Milk/small candy/fruit will work.
- Steam your sinuses. Boil hot water and pour in bowl. Put slices of ginger/lemongrass/other pungent herbs in bowl. Put your face over it, few inches above the water. Put towel over head so you're in a tent. This will steam your friggin sinuses to the max. Do not peek out of the tent unless needed. Try to last for at least 5 minutes (playing a long song is a good timer).
- (This is obvious but needs to be said. Take off glasses/contacts while doing this. Idiot.)
- Maple can use cucumber/lime to steam away pimples. - If nose runs during the night or when you wake up, sleep without air con. Yep. It's not that difficult. People take naps during the day all the time. What are fans and windows for, dude. Last for at least a month and there'll be a noticeable difference.
- Your "default face":
- Should not have your mouth and gums all hanging open. Where do you think germs enter into your throat, idiot. Close mouth, press lips together if needed, but don't grind your teeth. That way, you can breathe using only your nose, which is the correct way to do so.
- When talking:
- Air should hit ceiling of the mouth, not under the tongue like you are doing now.
- Sound should come out of mouth, not nose.
- Lips should actually form the words.
- Practice with A-E-I-O-U.
- R-r-round tones. A= jaw drops. E= show teeth. I= jaw drops more than A. O= jaw drops and lips form a circle. U= the '3' face.
- (Usually you keep your lips still and mumble some crap. Sentences don't always have to start with "Same," which sounds like "Sabe." Most of the time I don't even know what you're talking about. I just pretend to listen and say "เออๆ".
Don't worry I do this to other non-articulators too.) - Watch The King's Speech and do whatever Geoffrey Rush tell you to do.
